Air Bud On Ice

      In this sequel, we find out that America’s favorite golden retriever has taken a liking to his new frozen home in upstate New York. So much of a liking, in fact, that he is able to navigate the ice with ease. Buddy even has a reputation in the neighborhood for showing up to the weekly pee-wee ice hockey games and the town considers him as a sort of hockey mascot. But fuck that shit, Buddy is here to play. One day, after one of the local kids gets injured, the game is almost canceled because the team is now a player short. But Air Bud, like the fucking hero he was born to be, says fuck that noise, grabs a stick, and takes the place of that pussy injured kid. The spectators and players laugh because the idea of a dog playing hockey is adorable, but when Buddy gets the puck he skates circles around these kids. He’s got all kinds of moves, including whatever the hockey equivalent of a basketball crossover is.  Buddy takes the puck the distance and scores for the win. He is awarded the game puck and, I imagine, some pussy.

            After the game, Buddy goes over to the injured kid and gives him the game puck. He then follows the kid home and the kid talks his mother into adopting him. Later, the coach of the team (Wayne Gretzky cameo?) comes over to the house to see how the kid is doing. The kid says that he is likely done for the season, but suggests that Buddy takes his place. The coach (Wayne Gretzky) agrees, because how can you say no to a fucking golden retriever?

            The kid and Buddy become best friends and, with the help of Buddy, the team improves to second place in the league. While most of the town is thrilled to have a hockey-playing dog around, not everyone is as jazzed. The dad of the captain of the first place team sees Buddy as a threat, so he kidnaps him before the championship game. With Buddy gone, the injured kid is forced to return to the team. In addition to the kid not having fully recovered from his injury and worrying about his missing dog, the kid was also a complete shit-stain when it came to having hockey skills. At the end of the second period, their team was down 4-0.

            But wait, what’s this? Is that a recently escaped Air Bud? And he’s wearing… little ice skates? How fucking adorable. That’s right; he’s back with a desire to win and with his help the team scores four unanswered goals. With time winding down, and Air Bud triple teamed, he passes the puck to the kid who is standing by the goal when he scores what is possibly the first goal of his pathetic life. Queue “We Are the Champions”, because they are the fucking champions.

            The boy asks where Buddy was and Buddy responds by biting the back of the man’s shorts, exposing his silly underwear. Oh, and Coach Wayne Gretzky is totally making out with the kid’s mom. Congrats, kid. Wayne Gretzky is your new dad.

            The End.